JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS IT WORSE THAN YOU, DOESN’T MEAN WHAT YOU ARE FEELING ISN’T REAL.
PERSPECTIVE IS KEY, BUT DON’T LET IT DIMINISH YOUR FEELINGS.
I’ve found that throughout my infertility journey as well as the journey of having a disabled husband, others weren’t coming to me with their struggles because they thought it would offend me since I was going through something very hard. When my friends started admitting this to me, I told them that I absolutely wanted them to come to me as a friend. I told them that just because what I was going through was hard, it didn’t mean what they were going through wasn’t! It helped them to open up to me more.
See, you can play the ‘who has it worse’ game….until (sadly) it’s too hard to even fathom some terrible circumstances. And knowing how bad people are suffering in the world IS a good technique in order to stay grounded, figure out how to make a difference and not be ignorant. However, whatever you feel, is okay to feel.
Taking a step to admit that what you are going through is hard is a critical first step in eventually helping others go through a similar battle and maybe, just maybe this was the point of your pain in the first place.
Believe me, I believe a healthy dose of perspective can help a lot of people who chronically whine out there. I also believe that it’s no fun to be surrounded by people who constantly complain or are “negative Nancies”, but let’s not downplay people who are hurting even if they aren’t hurting as bad as others. “You don’t know what someone else is going through” is a important statement to remember. But I like to add, “You don’t know what someone else is going through unless you ask them.” Be there, be an ear for others; not a judge. You won’t know how much good it does.
If you are really struggling, like more than a few friendly ears can cure, always know that we are BEYOND BLESSED in this Lake Country area with mental health professionals who can help you cope.
Love + Hugs to a struggling sister from a struggling sister (who won’t compare who is struggling worse),
Steph
PS: This article comes from a place of personal experience. When my husband was disabled over a period of years, it took me awhile to admit I was struggling because he, in fact, was physically struggling so so much. Eventually seeing a mental health therapist and being diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder {aka not being able to adjust to circumstances} was extremely life-changing.
