When Mother’s Day Isn’t Easy

Mother’s Day is in a few days. You are sure to know that though. It’s been blasted in our faces everywhere we go.  Stores pushing mother’s day cards and flowers, television ads boasting beautiful mothers, Facebook tributes celebrating moms all around, and advertisers trying to sell us the “best” product for mom.  It’s hyped up, that’s for sure. And that’s okay, because celebrating moms is great, but it’s not a day that is easy for everyone. In fact for some Mother’s Day is a reminder of what they do not have or what they have lost.

 

In fact, I’d say with high certainty that at least 1 out of 2 of us struggle with mother’s day or have struggled with it.  Maybe you are like me and went through several mothers days without children, although you were trying. Or maybe the day is hard because you have lost your mother. Maybe you never had a mother in your life.  Maybe you lost a child or had a miscarriage. Maybe your mother disappointed you. Maybe, as a mom, you carry guilt or feel under-appreciated. Maybe you are an empty-nester and miss being a mom.  Whatever it may be, some us of us would rather just sleep the day away and hide under the covers. Mother’s Day isn’t easy for everyone.

 

For those who struggle on Mother’s Day, here are five nuggets of affirmation for you. Affirmation means “emotional support or encouragement”. These “nuggets” are not going to take away the pain, but I hope, somehow, they lessen the sting of Mother’s Day and speak comfort to your hurting heart.

It’s OK to not feel “Happy” on Mother’s Day.

If Mother’s Day is more of a day to mourn, than by all means, mourn how you need to. Whether you’ve lost your mother or you’ve not been able to become a mother when you’ve wanted to or any other situation that puts a pit in your stomach about Mother’s Day, let those emotions out.  It wouldn’t be a hard day if you didn’t care. And you do care, that is why it hurts.  But at least you have put your heart out there to care. And know that you are not alone.  Reach out for support for people who find Mother’s Day hard for the same reasons as you.  Heal together. It’s OK not to be happy on Mother’s Day.

Hold onto HOPE.

If you are a want-to-be mother and facing infertility, first let me say, you are NOT alone.  I have way too many friends that have gone or are going through infertility, and I have myself.  It’s so sad but it is becoming more commonplace.  I know infertility seems like an endless journey, but have hope.  If you want to have a family, hold onto hope that it WILL happen. It can happen through patience, through medical intervention or through foster or adoption (which I highly promote, wink!). Have hope that God has a plan for your life and he is leading you to your meant-to-be family. 

Celebrate Mother-Figures in your Life.

Remember that there are more women to celebrate on Mother’s Day than just the woman who birthed you.  Maybe she has passed, or disappointment or completely abandoned you.  Remember, there are “mother-figures” that step in to mother us if not simply by divine intervention. We should recognize the blessings that these women are and, in turn, start to find some joy in the day celebrating mothers and mother figures!  As you may have heard by Dorothy Fisher…”Mother is a verb. It’s something you do, not just who you are.”

Celebrate the Mother-Figure YOU are to someone else.

Being an awesome aunt, grandma, god-mother, step-mother, or a special woman role model are not roles that should be over-looked.  You can still celebrate Mother’s Day if you have never birthed a baby. You can still celebrate Mother’s Day if your own children are out of touch.  As a woman, you have a role in SOMEONE’s LIFE. Be proud of the title of “auntie”, “God-mother” or “special friend”.  You have no idea the difference you make by showing your care for another.  It is not to be taken lightly.  Celebrate YOUR role and cherish it! As Rita Pierson said, “Every child deserves a champion – an adult who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection…”

For those of us who don’t struggle through the day, pray for and encourage those who do!

Maybe Mother’s Day isn’t hard for you. Maybe you are a mom and enjoy every second of the love and attention your children give you on Mother’s Day year in and year out.  Enjoy it! Soak it in! You ARE a good mom and deserve to be recognized.  I just ask that you don’t turn a blind eye to those hurting around you.  For all the reasons Mother’s Day may be hard, I bet you know a friend or two in one of those positions. Reach out to them on Mother’s Day and tell them you are there for them.
This world will disappoint, that’s for sure. The older I get, the more I realize that.  If I let it, the grief, disappointment and anxiety can overtake me. However, each day (especially Mother’s Day) I choose to see the good.  To count the blessings around me. To view nature as a gift to me.  To celebrate the air I breathe and the positive people God has placed in my life.  You see, there isn’t a picture-perfect story or life out there. But there are a bunch of less than perfect lives being lived despite the storms, right around us every day. Heads up ladies!  You got this!
Wishing you a happy or as happy-as-can-be Mother’s Day. Sincerely,

Stephanie